My friends, Hear me!

Please heed my advice and prepare for activities of a salty nature, as I am quite certain it shall be necessary! Come forth to the gunwale, but keep your wits about you!

We are thoroughly in control of this situation; follow in our wake!

I sail, I sail on this boat! You must recognize the fact that I am sailing on this boat! I sail, I sail, I sail on this boat and I must demand of you that you appreciate the finer qualities of this ship, this Paragon of Nautical Craft!

I sail, ye demon, and you shall view my prowess, as I cast my lot with the current in the great unknown of the Ocean! I travel at great speed! My petticoat comes undone! I cannot be caught while I remain on The Ship!

Immortalize this moment, thou frequenter of common whores, as I sail on my boat! Hereupon we shall consume only the finest of provisions, Champagne du Santana, crisp, refreshing and delicious.

I am enjoying the comfort of my swimming clothes and casual footwear while I endeavor to prepare grilled meats for my Companions as you stand among peons, performing your menial labor, duplicating mundane documents!

Furthermore, while you remain shorebound, I am using aquatic mammals for the purpose of casual locomotion, and indeed they are of a playful sort, so we have been performing all manner of acrobatics as well! The ladies and gentlemen on the deck are most thoroughly soaked!

Yet I admonish you! This is not a common venue for appreciating the levity of sea beasts! This is a matter of utmost importance and we consider it seriously! I am on a boat, ye fiend, a fact which you must etch in your memory for all time!

This boat on which I sail travels with great haste! My scarf, embroidered as it is with ropes, rings and other maritime devices, flaps in the wind! Much as that great Hero of the Titanic, I feel myself capable of commanding all the Earth’s myriad legions!

Surely if you remain on land, you cannot understand my position!

{ RISE! This craft DEMANDS your respect! }

I scoff at the putrid dirt on which ye trod as I sail my boat!
And trees are far beneath my station while I frolic among the buoys!
I stand among my honorable Companions, thou peasant!
Meanwhile, the power of this boat’s locomotors produce a most audacious racket!

O Mother, I wish that you could look down upon me in my Glory!
I stand at the prow with my arms wide and I promise you truly:
I shall, by some means, by my art!, discover a way to carry myself even unto the Moon upon this Grand Vessel!

As the great sages spake, ALL THINGS CAN BE MADE REAL!

Never in my life have I dreamed myself in this position!
The ocean is like unto a great azure boulevard!
O Posiedon, Ye God of the Deeps, TURN YOUR VISAGE TOWARD ME AND QUAKE!
I could not have imagined this day!
A Yacht, a Schooner, or a Man-O-War approaching nigh!
You must believe I will use it to my advantage!!
I have surely performed acts of sexual deviance with yonder EXQUISITE MAIDEN OF THE SEA!

I sail, I sail on this boat! You must recognize the wonder of MYSELF while I travel so!
I sail, I sail, I sail on this boat and once again I must require of you : recognize the superiority of this Conveyance!

OOOHHHH! Ye Trollops! Ye TRROOOLLLOPPSSS! HUZZAAHHHH!! HUZZAAHHHH!

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